Tonight I went to a grief support group. It's the first time that I've ever attended anything like this. And now I know why...
Ok, first of all, I can pretty much talk any time I open my mouth. It's the look on people's faces when I start talking that is troublesome. Because even I never know what's gonna come out of my mouth next. Secondly, I had a preconceived notion that everyone in the room was like me and wanted to get over whatever was bothering them. I quickly found out that my idea of moving forward and everyone else's ideas were not the same...
i paid $20 for a book that is little more than a journal and stories. I could have bought a much cuter journal at Hobby Lobby for five bucks. And I have a fertile imagination. I can make up my own stories.
We watched a video that depressed me so badly I wanted to stab myself in the eye...and that's just for starters. It went on and on and on about the same thing...how we widows never recover from the passing of our late husbands and vice versa. I have watched inchworms that were more motivational. And as if that wasn't enough, the man sitting next to me could not control his..."ahem"...gaseous emissions. I don't know how else to politely say it. It was all the way through the video and it was LOUD. I know the poor old guy probably had some sort of problem, but I literally couldn't get properly depressed it was so distracting.
As if that wasn't enough, we then had to share. I hate sharing. But we had to share about what touched us most during the video. Well, I wanted to say, "I was so moved by the sounds of "thunder" rising toward the dawn, and that the sound of a tuba couldn't have been more lovely," but I was afraid they'd kick me out for not showing proper respect to both the video and the other participants.
Then, the facilitator went on to say this, and thus brought about my exit from the group, "We never get over our loved ones passing. We will always hurt inside. Always, won't me?" And Lord, help me, before I could stop myself, I said, "Not me! Why would anyone want to live their life like that?"
Crickets. I can only surmise that they DID want to live their lives like that because no one spoke one word. I started to kinda hunker down in my seat, but feisty little devil that I am, I actually sat up straighter and spoke with confidence about how God had restored my joy. How He had brought me through both thick and thin. How he would do then same for them, if they would let Him.
After they all stopped blinking at me like a calf at a new gate, as my daddy used to say, i could see some of what I said was beginning to penetrate their brains. The facilitator looked like I'd shot his favorite puppy dog. I exited as graciously as I could and left.
I have tried to make this humorous. Grief is actually a very serious thing. It can paralyze us and stop us from even functioning. It can be a chore to even roll over in the bed. Or get out of bed. Or work. Or sit up. Or talk. All of the above. It is a process that is different for each individual. I would never make light of someone's grief. I have walked that road and it's the most devastating thing that has ever happened in my life. I am, however, a testimony of how God can deliver someone out of the darkness. He brings us into His marvelous light and restores us. We may never be the same as we were before the tragedy, but I am a better woman today because of it. God did that. He is faithful. And He loves us.
Well, it's late and I'm tired...going to head to bed now. God bless and have a safe evening!