Tumble

I have been to see my mom twice in the last 24 hours...she has fallen three times at the assisted living facility where she stays. Last night’s fall was apparently really bad, as the entire right side of her face is very badly bruised...

i don’t know how I feel today. On the one hand, I’m so relieved she didn’t break a hip that I could dance for joy. On the other hand, I’m so depressed that she’s in this condition in the first place, that I could crawl in bed and never get up...This is the point in this story where I should put some pithy comment about how we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. In my heart, I know this is true. In my head, I want to scream, cry and eat a gallon of Dutch chocolate ice cream and I don’t have any. Hence, the need to scream and cry... 

i doubt I’ll ever again be normal, if, in fact, I ever was to start with. The stress of it all has finally taken its toll. I feel bruised and broken. And alone. I know that’s a lie because Jesus is with me, but my feelings still demand attention right now. Statistically speaking, the caregiver has a 65% chance of dying before the Alzheimer’s patient, according to studies...I am not a statistic, but I feel like one.

So, I guess my question is, “now what?” What’s next on this nightmare with Alzheimer’s disease? What’s next on this crazy merry-go-round? What’s next for Mom and, God help me, what’s next for me? I don’t know the answer to these things. I am, however, grateful for two things: 1) Mom still know who I am. She introduced me as her mother a couple of times this week, but she knows my name; and 2) God is still on the throne, even if I have no sense of His presence at all. He is there because He says He is, not because I can feel it or not feel it. His Word is true. Ending on that note...

 

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Mom on a happier day... 

#Alzheimersdisease

#iamnotastatistic