After checking on Mom for three days in a row, I’m resting a little bit at home today. Trixie and I took a nap, and thanks to a prayer by two sweet ladies at church this morning, I am feeling better. Not a hundred percent, but better...
The thing is this...when Dad passed away in 2010, I was kinda hoping my life would get a little more laid back. It didn’t. Within the next seven years, Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, my daughter lost a baby, Greg was diagnosed and eventually died with cancer after a 13 month battle, and now Mom seems to be declining at a rather alarming rate. It seems to be too much for a human to deal with, quite frankly...
i am only one woman. I can only do so much. I can only stand so much tragedy...that is why it is imperative that I rely on Jesus. I cannot do this alone and I have to remind myself that I AM NOT ALONE! Because that feeling of being alone swallows me at times like this...so I have had to ask myself, “Are my feelings valid?” Yes, they are. To invalidate my feelings would be denial. I firmly believe that anyone in this same set of circumstances would feel exactly the same way I do, or else they’d lie about it. To extrapolate that thought further, “Are my feelings of being alone true?” The answer to that would be “No.” I have a lot of friends. I don’t have a lot of family, but the ones I do have are pretty solid. And more importantly, I have Jesus. That sounds trite, even as I type those words. I don’t mean for it to sound shallow or simplistic. But truth at its basest form is sometimes very simple. If I am a Christian, then I have to believe what the Bible says about Jesus. And the Bible says “He never leaves or forsakes us.” So, I guess even though I may be feeling physically and emotionally needy, there is really only One place I can run.
As I sit here writing these words, working through the feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness, and isolation, I know that I am going to be all right. My God is with me. And something more important than Him being on my side is that...I am on His...God bless!
Mom and Donna...one of my favorite friends and one of Mom’s champions!